your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
