I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
