I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
