See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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