and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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