I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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