Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
