glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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