it was like his penis was on wheels.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
