This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
