Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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