Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
