i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
