im having a threesome with these popsicles
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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