I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
