literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
