The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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