my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
