There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
