got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
