Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we have pet lesbian snakes
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
pray to the hookup gods
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
