I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
