Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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