apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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