So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
