i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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