I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
