i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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