My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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