Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
