I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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