If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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