Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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