Only a mothe r could love this liver
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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