Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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