some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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