That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You are a genius and a whore.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
