Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
