I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
