I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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