Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
