Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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