Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
