So drunk its hurt
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
