It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
