i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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