wakey wakey hands off snakey
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
