Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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