I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
