dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
