hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
