so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
