It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
